This particular video isn't satisfying to me and goes on for an additional two to three minutes after the song ends, but it's still the best one on YouTube for this song. Those are my disclaimers. Maybe I shall make a video and post it, thus fixing this problem.
This version of this song - and I also love the original - penetrates through outer layers of my being, into the depths of my heart. It's soothing and the other night it brought me to tears because I truly felt the lyrics. In fact, I felt the song being sung to me,
Heaven
A gateway
of hope
Just like a feeling
I need
it's no joke
And though it hurts me
to see you
this way
Betrayed by words
I'd never heard
To hard to say them
...
Up down turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I'll walk alone
Find my soul as I go home
Oh it's the last time
Oh it's the last time
especially these words:
And I've never met anyone quite like you before
And I've never met anyone quite like you before
And I've never met anyone quite like you before
And I've never met anyone quite like you before
And I've never met anyone quite like you before
And I've never met anyone quite like you
Before
But I sing these words:
Each way I turn
And though I"ll always try
To break the circle
That has been placed
Around me
From time to time
I find I lost
Some meaning
That was urgent
To myself
I do believe
Up down turn around
Please don't let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I'll walk alone
Find my soul as I go home
Oh it's the last time
Oh it's the last time
Oh it's the last time
Oh it's the last
Time
Maybe the order is off, but look...what I mean to say is that I feel these words, her voice, the soft, gentle nature of the song, like an angel is cradling me as I walk home, alone, finding my soul... and she says to me, and I know it's true, that I've never met anyone quite like me before. Sure - everyone's unique, and this could apply to anyone. But for me...well, I know I'm a bit "out there", strange, different, weird...always been, you know? It hurt a lot growing up, feeling so different from everyone else... and I thought, when I figured out I had Depression, maybe that was the difference (why I cried a lot and was lonely a lot, didn't have a lot of friends, spent a lot of time alone)... then I figured out I was gay and I thought - ok, that's it! ... then I was still strange, even amongst the gays/lesbians... and now I see that I am a "love addict" and codependent - is that the last piece? Does that completely finish the explanation of why I'm so different, strange, odd, weird? Probably not.
But I still want to be loved. The way she says that she's never met anyone quite like me before is in a loving way, as if to say she loves me for it. And when I say, 'she', I really mean me. It's me - I'm her, she's me. (Obviously, not literally - what I would give for a beautiful voice like that!)
The truth is I meet people all the time who I feel I've seen around before, met someone else similar to them before - and I think this is more of a reflection of the masks or acts we put on in order to fit into the worlds we want to fit into, not really a reflection of the true nature of the individual - but not me. I have also met others like me in this way - others who don't walk the beaten path of personality or looks or behaviors. It's a hard way to be - oneself - in a world full of coersion and temptation. It's a hard thing to love yourself in this world, being yourself, when you're not entirely sure it's objectively "ok" to be who you are, but you are her, anyway. Yeah, that's where this is all coming from - this hurt. I'm trying to grasp loving myself even if no one else can or will love me for me (whether or not they do).
And I told her - it's the last time, she's the last time, the last one I give in to my love addiction. The next love is for me.
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