This Woman

This song came up on my queue, reminding me of the need to try to make more friends, build more relationships. I don't feel great about admitting it, but I'm kind of lonely. I suppose the admission is not the thing I feel uncomfortable with - it's the fact of the feeling.

I always think of my friend, Abby, when I knew she was in the hospital, dying, when I hear this song. How I would've done anything. I asked later if it could've been possible - if I could've donated one of my lungs. Someone told me that it wouldn't really be advisable, or even maybe it was not possible at all. In any case, if one were to donate half of their lungs to save someone else, they wouldn't be able to do a lot of things - like play sports, most likely. I like to play sports. But I'd have given that up for her. Sometimes I even wish I could've switched places completely.

But yeah, that's not my decision to make. Or we already made these choices beforehand. In any case, here I am, alive, needing to keep living. Not just surviving.

I can only do so much on my own.

It would be nice to have some more human interactions. It would be nice to have a few good friends and maybe even...well, it would be nice to have some loving affection.

Ok. Well, all I can do is keep on moving forward. Take care of myself - treat myself well - and the rest will work itself out.